Wishing it was different, wishing you didn't care
Is there a moment in your career you look back on often, that still gets your blood rising? Do you wish you’d been braver? Bolder? Louder? Welcome to The Club.
“What it brings up to me is righteous indignation that I’m not standing up for myself publicly … I just feel fucking stuck and stupid.”
In 2020, just before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, Elizabeth Kaelin sold her catering startup.
Since then, she’s been head of product at a software development firm; lectured in entrepreneurial finance at the University of Technology Sydney; held entrepreneur-in-residence positions at accelerators and incubators; and worked as a venture principal on the government’s Accelerating Commercialisation Grant program.
Today, she heads up partnerships at Mums and Co, a membership-based community for women in business.
Liz is also a prolific mentor, dedicated to helping other entrepreneurs avoid the mistakes she made along the way.
And that is where our story begins.
Startup drama
In October last year, Startup Muster released its much anticipated 2023 report into the state of the Australian startup ecosystem, following a five-year hiatus.
Liz was in the audience at the live launch event. And when a list of ‘most recommended mentors’ came up on the big screen, she felt the atmosphere tighten and heard the murmurs rippling through the crowd.
Of eight recommended mentors, “there were no fucking women”, she recalls.
“It was the first thing we noticed,” she adds.
“The whole thing just felt really weird. We were all kind of golf-clapping, and some people were yelling out in the crowd … the presenters didn’t know what to do.”
The next day, the report was released more widely, with a footnote stating: ‘we look forward to a much better gender ratio next year’.
The reaction on LinkedIn was swift and predictable. So the very next day, the report was re-released, this time with an accompanying list of top-rated women mentors.
There, lo and behold, was Liz’s name.
“I felt like an afterthought”
Startup Muster’s reports are qualitative. So, the most recommended mentors were just that — the mentors named by the most respondents.
This is a symptom of a systemic imbalance. The majority of startups are led, mentored and funded by men. And, as we know, the majority of the investor capital goes to men.
It should come as no surprise that the top eight recommended mentors were men, too.
In the hours after the report was released, this is what dominated the discourse.
When the women’s list was released, the correction became part of that conversation. The women themselves did not.
Liz’s accomplishments and commitment to the startup ecosystem were (and still are) worth celebrating.
She has mentored with the likes of Techstars, Climate Salad, Incubate and Girls in Tech Australia, to name just a few.
She’s supported businesses including v2Food and x15 Ventures. She sits on boards and offers no-holds-barred advice when it’s needed.
She also grew her startup, Caitre’d, to $1 million ARR, with no prior business experience to speak of. She even appeared on Network Ten’s Shark Tank, walking away with $125,000 in funding.
But amid all the online noise and analysis around this particular report, there was barely a mention of these achievements, or those of the other women mentors who had, eventually, been recognised.
“No one really cared that I was on this list,” Liz recalls.
“No one was talking about me at all, or saying congratulations. Which is kind of shit, because I am a fucking amazing mentor.”
Liz found herself both at the centre of the story, and feeling excluded from it. She was proud of the recognition, but deeply uncomfortable at how it came about.
Sure, her name was up there, but there was no celebration of why she actually deserved it.
“I felt like an afterthought,” she says.
“It was totally unacceptable that it went down the way it did. And so many of the people involved say they’re big supporters of women in business. So why did that happen?”
The anger after the fact
All of this went down almost nine months ago, but when Liz talks about it, I can feel her anger rising. This was never resolved in a way that was acceptable to her. Perhaps it never will be.
At the time, she was digesting — waiting for her feelings to settle before she shared them. She wrote a contentious blog, deleted it, and wrote it again. But she never hit ‘publish’.
For Liz, this is still taking up brain space and emotional energy. The ecosystem, however, has well and truly moved on.
“The whole thing really sucked, and I still haven’t really talked publicly about it,” she says.
“Now, is it too late? Does anyone really care anymore?”
“Stuck and stupid”
Liz’s situation is rare — one that exactly seven other women have experienced, and she doesn’t claim to be speaking for them.
But the feelings she’s describing are familiar to me, and I’d wager they’re familiar to a lot of other women, too.
It’s feeling blindsided, steamrolled and talked over in the moment; feeling professionally disrespected, or even shushed.
It’s staying quiet, only to figure out exactly the right thing to say hours, days, weeks or months later.
It’s wishing you’d done something differently, while also wishing you could just let it go.
Then, it’s questioning your own strength; why you didn’t call out injustice where you saw it; why you were too afraid to rock the boat.
As Liz still asks herself: “What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Why aren’t I saying anything?”
Liz is an extrovert. She’s confident in her abilities and outspoken about her credentials. She also speaks with the kind of American accent that exudes self-assurance, somehow.
She is not the kind of woman to hide how she feels or shy away from a fight. She’s in a position of privilege and relative power.
So if even Liz didn’t know what to say or how to say it, what hope is there for the rest of us?
“What it brings up to me is righteous indignation that I’m not standing up for myself publicly, and instead I’m railing to you,” she says.
“It’s a different proposition to a business deal or a transaction. It’s emotional,” she adds.
“I just feel fucking stuck and stupid.”
No excuses
I reached out to Startup Muster managing director Murray Hurps, who ultimately takes full responsibility for what happened.
On the one hand, he says the days leading up to publication were busy and rushed (and honestly, we’ve all been there). On the other hand, he says dozens of people — including women — reviewed the final report, and some did remark on the all-male mentor list.
The decision was made to publish it, to highlight the systemic issues that led to the data being as it was. But Murray knows that intention wasn’t clear in the execution.
“I’m not making excuses for why it happened,” he says.
“The publication of that chart was a mistake and something that I regret.”
Murray appears genuinely remorseful. It’s clear this situation still takes up brain space for him, too. In this year’s survey, he won’t let the same thing happen again, he says. Or anything like it.
“Liz deserved better. All the female mentors deserved better. And our startup founders deserve better as well.”
When all is said and done, Liz is proud to have been recognised. She’s proud to support the founders she mentors (men and women alike), and she’s proud to be a genuine champion of all entrepreneurs, especially women.
And — even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to — she’s proud to have publicly vented on this particular saga.
She’s even put ‘top mentor’ in her LinkedIn headline. Because, at the end of the day, “that’s what a man would do”.
If Liz’s story resonates, join the conversation…
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Who are we?
We’re Marie Dowling and Stef Palmer-Derrien, two business buddies navigating the tech, startup and small biz world with toddlers in tow.
👸🏻 Stef Palmer-Derrien is a freelance writer, journalist and word person, specialising in startups, tech and small business. Stef is also the co-founder and editor of The Club as well as media advisor at Newsary.
Stef is a parent to a two-year-old wrecking ball of a child, and also a dog who has absolutely no chill.
👸🏼 Marie Dowling is the other brain behind The Club and a self-proclaimed startup town crier. As the founder of PR startups Newsary and EzyCom, she is committed to democratising PR to share all the stories that make our world move.
She’s also la maman to a beautiful two-year-old and an Australian bulldog who does nothing but chill.
Thank you for amplifying this conversation & sharing Liz’s story.
It’s incredibly frustrating to be a smart, articulate women who is constantly underestimated. Especially when you’re not a shrinking violet, not hiding in the shadows.
I resonate a lot with Liz’s experience.
Brilliant read! Liz is an absolute dynamo who I am so happily working beside at present. Terrific story and a brave one to share at that.