What are you feeling guilty about?
When Tatum is working on her business, she’s thinking about her kids. When she’s caring for her kids, she’s thinking about her business. Either way, she’s feeling guilty. Welcome to The Club.
“I would love to be unapologetic about how I blend motherhood and ambition. But is that the reality of where I’m at in my life with my kids? Not really.”
Tatum Steers and Jessica Jackson worked together, on and off, in the aged care and disability sector for 15 years, before creating Hirey — an online NDIS support worker directory designed to alleviate some of the staffing challenges in this space.
As Tatum and I sit down to chat, it’s been just over a year since Hirey first launched.
So far, her story has been one of business, family, friendship, and the guilt that comes from balancing it all.
Striving for ‘mumbition’
Early on in her founder journey, Tatum stumbled across Mums & Co, a network supporting women in business.
Mums & Co advocates for ‘mumbition’, which it calls: ‘The unapologetic blending of motherhood and ambition’.
For Tatum, this struck a chord. It’s something she feels an affinity with, but she’s still working on actually feeling it.
“I like to think I’m a great mum. And I’m a good business partner — I stay true to the vision Jess and I have for Hirey and the community as a whole. But I struggle on a daily basis,” she says.
“I would love to be someone who’s unapologetic about how I blend motherhood and ambition. But is that the reality of where I’m at in my life with my kids? Not really.”
The fact is, when Tatum is busy with her kids, she’s thinking about her business and everything on her to-do list. When she’s working, she’s thinking about how she could be spending more time with her kids.
Whatever she’s doing, she’s feeling guilty about it.
Not enough hours in the day
Tatum has two little boys, aged seven and three. Most days, she heads home after school drop-off at 9.30 am, works solidly until 2.30 pm, and then heads back for pickup, snacks in hand.
“Full-time working hours are not conducive to being a mother,” she says.
Tatum refers to the hours between 3 pm to 6 pm as “feral-o’clock” — a rush of playtime, squabbles, snacks, dinner, bath and bed, all with two tired kids vying for her attention.
During the school holidays… let’s just say things get hectic.
By bedtime, Tatum is tired too. But, having ‘only’ spent a few hours working on Hirey, she pulls out her laptop again.
Any time catching up on trash TV with her husband is a bonus. And, needless to say, self-care is essentially non-existent.
What Tatum says next is so relatable I could cry:
“You end up mindlessly scrolling Instagram between 11 pm and 2 am, just to have some time for yourself,” she says.
“It’s not the best use of your time, but it’s a case of taking what you can get, really,” she adds.
“Then in the morning, you just have to get up and go. No one cares to hear that you’re tired, or whatever. It’s self-inflicted at that point.”
When ‘mum-guilt’ multiplies
Work-life balance may not come easy, but Tatum entered startup life with her eyes wide open. Her husband has always worked long hours, and she has always been the primary caretaker of her kids — and she loves it.
She’s a parents’ rep for her sons’ school, she’s involved in events, and she attends all the assemblies and shows.
She’s the “tuckshop mum” she always dreamed of being, and she launched Hirey knowing it would have to fit around these commitments.
“I knew I could do it, and I would find a way to juggle that,” she says.
What has surprised her has been the feeling of responsibility towards her co-founder; yet another source of guilt for entrepreneurial mums, but one we rarely hear about.
“You never want to seem like you’re dropping the ball, or that you’re not putting in as much as the other person,” Tatum explains.
“We’re friends, first and foremost, so there’s that relationship that you want to protect as well … can I juggle my responsibilities as a mum with my commitment to showing up for her as a business partner who is 100% all-in?”
It will come as no shock at all (but Tatum is still quick to clarify) that none of this pressure comes from Jessica herself.
In fact, Tatum says Jessica is more likely to pick up on an ‘off-vibe’ and ask what’s going on before Tatum has even realised it’s happening — the way only true friends can.
In Tatum’s words: “She’s like: ‘Hey, babe, we’ve got this. It’s OK.’”
The strongest foundation
When Tatum talks about Jessica, it’s clear this is a business built, first and foremost, on friendship.
Over a decade and a half, they’ve stayed close as they moved jobs and even states.
“You know, sometimes you meet someone at work, and you really click with them, so you become friends outside of work, and the next minute you’re at each other’s weddings? That’s how it went with Jessica,” Tatum says.
“When we started Hirey, we had more of a friendship than a working relationship,” she adds.
“She is the only one of my friends I would ever go into business with.”
Because they were colleagues first, each co-founder knows how the other works, in and out of the office. They’ve navigated challenges and solved problems together.
Now, they’re answerable only to each other.
“If we’re going to bust our tails, we’re going to do it for us,” Tatum says.
“Having that relationship is a privilege.”
Tatum’s advice for entrepreneurs:
It might not be feasible for everyone, but Tatum’s advice for other entrepreneurs is to do as she did and start a business with someone you already know and trust — and someone you’ve worked together with before.
“Think carefully about who you’re going into business with. It’s all well and good to have an idea and try to solve a problem, but do you have the right person by your side?”
Sound familiar? Join the conversation…
Are you a mum trying to juggle family, a growing business and a co-founder relationship? Or are you the co-founder assuring her she’s doing great?
How do you balance two things you care so much about, when each is a full-time role in itself?
Leave a comment to let us know.
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Who are we?
We’re Marie Dowling and Stef Palmer-Derrien, two business buddies navigating the tech, startup and small biz world with toddlers in tow.
👸🏻 Stef Palmer-Derrien is a freelance writer, journalist and word person, specialising in startups, tech and small business. Stef is also the co-founder and editor of The Club as well as media advisor at Newsary.
Stef is a parent to an almost two-year-old wrecking ball of a child, and also a dog who has absolutely no chill.
👸🏼 Marie Dowling is the other brain behind The Club and a self-proclaimed startup town crier. As the founder of PR startups Newsary and EzyCom, she is committed to democratising PR to share all the stories that make our world move.
She’s also la maman to a beautiful two-year-old and an Australian bulldog who does nothing but chill.
So relatable I too could cry. Thanks for sharing Tatum and Stephanie 💜 Even with only one little one, the struggle juggle is real and so is the guilt. Whenever Aurelien was/is sick (👋 daycare), I feel like the worst mum for not giving him 100% of my time and attention AND I feel like the worst CEO/Founder for not giving 100% to my startup. Truth is we are not 100% mum. Not 100% Founder. We're working mum in tech.
Hard relate to this story! And love the Mums & Co mention, thank you Tatum and Stephanie. This balance is so tricky, and school holidays are the ultimate test of your endurance as a working mum. Proud to be part of the community advocating for support and change here. Great article and terrific newsletter.