Hello, it’s been a while
In the messy middle of grief and gratitude, helplessness and hope, it’s all getting a bit overwhelming, isn’t it? Welcome to The Club.
To my friend,
I haven’t seen you for ages. You live far away now, and between kids and life and work… well, you know how it is.
We caught up via an Instagram chat, of all things. We exclaimed ‘how big they’re getting’ and reminisced about the days they were wriggling little potatoes in the mothers’ group circle.
You said: “Who knew I could be more tired?”
It was flippant; rhetorical. A joke lamenting the relentlessness of life with a three-year-old. But something about it flipped a switch in my brain.
Because, for the past few months, I’ve been feeling stuck in a creative rut. Stalling, but not quite sure how to explain why.
By saying something so simple, you clarified it for me. I may be getting more sleep these days, but I, too, am more tired.
Managing mental clutter
In the very first edition of The Club, 18 months ago, I wrote about the pressure of balancing self-employment with the needs of a toddler in his first winter of daycare, tackling all that comes with it.
I wrote about the anxiety of working and parenting side by side, and feeling I wasn’t doing either particularly well. Now, the challenges are different, but they’re also the same.
A bigger kid means a bigger to-do list. Another dress-up day at kinder, a new swimming schedule and birthday parties to remember. Then there’s the groceries, the dog’s ear infection, the leaky drain on the downstairs sink and all those DIY projects that I just can’t prioritise right now.
How are you doing? Are you still self-employed, too? Do you find personal errands creeping into the workday, and work hours bleeding late into the night?
Is your mind full to the brim, all the time? For me, it’s a mess in there. It’s impossible to focus. Does everyone feel like this, do you think?
But then, of course, there’s the privilege of it all. Because these are objectively good problems to have.
At the end of the day, we all have a roof over our heads. Our kids are fed, clothed, warm and loved. They’re safe.
It takes some cognitive gymnastics to switch off the news — the genocide, famine and all the awfulness — to figure out what a three-year-old can take to show-and-tell to represent ‘springtime’.
I feel helpless in the face of it all. And with that comes guilt. Guilt that I’m not doing more, guilt that I don’t know what to do, and shame that someone so lucky should dare to feel overwhelmed.
Big feelings
I know struggle is relative. I also know we women tend to downplay our stresses. We focus on the positives and we power through. We’re not necessarily wrong to.
But we are complex beings. When someone asks how we’re doing, we say ‘fine’, with a sigh and a smile. We’re getting by, ya know?
What I want to say is that I’m joyful and, yes, so grateful for everything I have. And I’m exhausted and emotionally drained. I’m excited to watch my baby grow into a capable little kid, but anxious as he builds independence.
I’m touched out and overstimulated, but scared to pull away. There’s a preemptive grief for the day he won’t want cuddles at bedtime.
I realise now that toddlers feel everything at maximum volume. Rage and disappointment are all-consuming, but so are joy and love and excitement and wonder. They’re truly on a rollercoaster, and we’re just being dragged along for an emotionally exhausting ride.
So… it’s true that I am ‘fine’, but there’s more to it than that. I’m happy and stressed and grateful and tired and excited and frustrated. I’m feeling everything all at once, and dialled up all the way.
Facing up to hard things
When you told me you were ‘more tired’, you opened a door for me to admit that I am too.
Sometimes we women need that nudge — someone to share their experience, so we can understand our own.
Actually, that’s what The Club is all about. And that’s why I’m sharing this here, too, for you, and for all of us: If you’re finding things hard, it’s probably because what you’re doing is hard.
Maybe the challenge is raising kids while running a business. Or maybe it’s working all hours for a job that doesn’t love you back; neglecting your wellbeing, and feeling it.
Maybe you’re navigating tough family dynamics, facing health challenges, or coping with the loss of a beloved pet. Maybe you’re just trying to stay engaged with a relentless and increasingly bleak news cycle.
These are hard things. Acknowledging that doesn’t mean you’re unhappy or ungrateful. It’s part of what makes you strong.
Life is tough, but so are we
Anyway. I wanted you to know that through Insta chat, you helped me to become unstuck. Thank you.
Perhaps it’s ironic, or perhaps completely appropriate, that when I ground to a halt, I was working on a long piece about burnout, how it affects women and whether there’s a gender divide there.
I’ve picked that up again now. I have some more interviews lined up, and I’m looking for more stories about women, entrepreneurship and all those fucked up things no one is talking about.
Any ideas? Let me know.
Let’s catch up IRL soon. Until then, stay safe, stay grounded, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Life can be tough, but so can we.
Does this resonate? Join the conversation…
If you’re comfortable sharing, we would love to hear your perspective in the comments.
Know someone who needs to read this?
Hit that forward button and share this newsletter with your business besties.
Join the club
Subscribe for a monthly tell-all from the entrepreneurial and startup sphere. Because it feels so good to share, doesn’t it?
Thank you for speaking truth. I am so overwhelmed!!